Msiba by Byron Apuko

Published in Qwani 02

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The last day you see her alive,

she throws her arms around you,

lifts you up,

then squeezes so hard.

It’s painful,

but you love it.

You love her hugs.

She holds you tighter than anybody has ever done.

You feel safe,

wanted,

cherished,

and loved.

She brings your face to hers,

looks at your eyes,

You smile with your eyes.

she smiles back.

In that moment,

it’s just you,

and her.

You feel fulfilled,

You never want her to let go.

She lets you go,

drops you down,

reaches into her bag,

gets a note,

worth ten shillings,

and hands it to you.

You get thrilled.

You dream of the possibilities.

the things you could buy with it.

You run off.

Never looking at her.

Never thanking her.

The next time you see her,

She is in a white dress,

Her body is still.

Her smiling eyes are closed.

Her lovely face ashen.

Her nose blocked with cotton.

Her tender lips dry and deeply red.

You cry,

More than you’ve ever done.

You are eight,

But the sadness you hold,

feels a lot like you are eighty.

Other people cry,

But you don’t feel their grief.

It’s noise to you.

You want to talk to her,

In silence,

Ask why she’s sleeping,

If she’ll ever wake up,

If her eyes will ever smile at you,

Like they always did,

If she’ll ever embrace you again,

You want to ask why she left,

Left you,

All alone.

You cry more,

You never stop,

Years rage on,

You still cry,

Albeit silently,

In different ways,

Your grief is inbound,

You don’t share it,

It forms part of you,

Part of the people you date,

You look for her,

In them.

Hope that they’ll fill the void,

That motherly affection,

They haven’t so far.

In the end,

You still grieve.

And feel deeply sad.

Constantly wishing her back,

Even for a moment,

To have her hold you.

Hug you,

Tightly squeeze you,

Just to feel safe,

Wanted,

Cherished,

And loved.

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Byron is a writer and poet with a passion for storytelling and a knack for crafting unconventional poetry that captivate readers. Drawing inspiration from personal life, Byron weaves poems that resonate with universal themes, exploring the complexities of human relationships, identity, and the pursuit of dreams.

To communicate more with the writer:

Email: byronapuko@gmail.com

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Photo by el jusuf